The PhD experience can often be full of rejection. Rejection for funding, rejection from conferences, rejection from academic journals. Today Iona explores how rejection can be understood from a developmental perspective by looking at attachment theory and how this can then be applied to dealing with rejection throughout our PhDs.
Rejection is where someone is turned down or refused something. It can be hard to give and particularly hard to take if you are the one on the end of being rejected. Dealing with rejection is a particularly important skill throughout life, but it can seem particularly prevalent during our PhD research. So how do you deal with this?
Rejection and attachment
One of the most fundamental elements to human development is attachment. Attachment theory was first introduced by Bowlby and is a commonly known psychological concept. In essence, Bowlby suggests that children form a certain style of attachment to their primary caregiver at a very early age and this then acts as a model for children to interpret the world by. For example, children’s attachment style is thought to impact individual’s attachment in other relationships as well as impacting aspects such as self-esteem, confidence and as it turns out individual’s sensitivity to rejection.
Thanks to an experiment known as ‘The strange situation’, four different attachment styles were identified these being a secure attachment, an insecure-avoidant attachment, an insecure-ambivalent attachment and an insecure-disorganized attachment. A secure attachment describes a child who feels able to trust their caregiver and as such in a the ‘strange situation’ will feel able to explore their environment. Children with insecure attachment styles feel unable to rely on their caregiver and as such deal with the caregivers absence in different ways. Where a securely attached child will show distress at the absence of a caregiver, and calm down upon their return, an individual with an avoidant attachment style will show no emotion to the leaving or returning of their caregiver. An individual with an ambivalent attachment style will likely be clingy to their caregiver upon leaving but also be unable to be calm down upon return of the caregiver. Finally, individuals with a disorganized attachment style show erratic behavioural patterns to the leaving and return of their caregiver.
Ultimately if a child’s calls for care is rejected, the child becomes hopeless; human infants need social support in order to survive which partially explains why rejection is such an innate and widely experienced phenomenon. However, research into neural responses to rejection found that those with an insecure-ambivalent attachment style were found to have a heightened response to rejection meaning they were more sensitive to it (Dewall et al., 2012). Those with an avoidant attachment style on the other hand had a dampened neural response to rejection. As such they were less sensitive.
Using attachment in the face of rejection
So how can we use this knowledge of attachment and rejection when faced with it?
Using your new understanding
Having a greater understanding of rejection, especially how fundamental it is with in human development can hopefully shed some light on why rejection can be so challenging. Being upset by rejection is an innate response and does not show weakness or failure. Disappointment or negative emotions are completely normal in this scenario.
Identify your attachment style
If you know your attachment style, you can become aware of how your responses to rejection are influencing your behaviour. For example, if you are an individual with an ambivalent attachment style, you may be more likely to struggle continuing with your PhD if you’ve suffered from a number of rejections. If you are someone with an avoidant attachment style you may be less effected or you may simply avoid being rejected at all by not applying for conferences or academic journals. Regardless of attachment style, observe your behaviour around rejection to learn what may get in your way of progressing with the task.
Social support
As attachment theory shows, rejection is very tied up with social connection. If an infant is rejected, they are hopeless. As such in the face of rejection it is really important to build up our social connections which will in turn act as a buffer against the effects of future rejections. Meet up with friends or phone your family. Keep your social support in your corner. Social support can also include getting advice from tutors or other academic staff who may be able to support your research journey.
Reflect
As a psychology student we are told to do this one a lot but it really is beneficial for everyone. Reflect upon your experiences and perhaps think about why you were rejected/with hindsight was there anything else you could have done? For those with an insecure attachment style – this is not a chance for negative self-critic (e.g., I am useless so I didn’t get the job), but rather a way to look at what steps to take next (e.g., I am lacking in experience that show my ability to problem solve so I am going to find some experience to demonstrate this skill).
Focus on other areas of your life
Getting really bogged down in PhD research can impact your general wellbeing. In dealing with rejection it is of course important to keep applying despite the difficult emotions that can come with rejection but it is also important to not neglect all other aspects of living such as exercise. Keep going to society events, the gym or for a walk to give yourself some time away from PhD thoughts!
In essence, rejection throughout your PhD is so difficult because social rejection is a built-in fear designed to keep us alive. As infants, rejection can be fatal. As such we find ways of dealing with it – whether that being becoming particularly sensitive to feeling rejection in order that we can prepare ourselves for it or by taking all emotion out of the situation so we don’t have to face up to any potential rejection. A developmental perspective sheds a lot of light onto rejection and from this we can begin to find ways to better deal with it.
Did you find these tips useful? Tweet us @researchex, message us on Instagram @warwicklibrary, or email us at libraryblogs@warwick.ac.uk
If you’d like to read more, why not check out our blog on managing your expectations or our blog it’s not about the thesis, it’s about you.
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