The process of achieving a PhD can represent different things for different people. In this week’s blog, Riss shares their thoughts on what connects these different meanings and what achieving a PhD means to her.
Having hit the midway point of my PhD, I’ve found myself reflecting on how my PhD experience has been so far and comparing my current thoughts to how I felt this time last year or even back in October 2021 when I first started.
Over the past two and a bit years, I’ve learned a lot – my writing has improved, my ability to digest and analyse information is much more streamlined, and I’ve had some successful public speaking experiences to boot. Aside from all the degree and career-oriented skills, though, I think my biggest takeaway is how undertaking and completing a PhD is, in some ways, less about the project itself than it is about yourself. Now, this isn’t to say that the research, writing and all the various moving parts that go into completing your thesis aren’t important (you definitely should be doing your research!) but rather that the PhD is so much more than just the thesis or just the professional development.
I’ve come to consider my thesis as somewhat a project of personal evolution – it’s about creating the work as much as it is about becoming myself. Granted, this might sound a little woo-woo, but forgive my penchant for the poetic and bear with me.
“I think my biggest takeaway is how undertaking and completing a PhD is, in some ways, less about the project itself than it is about yourself.”
If I could choose one word to describe how I felt and perceived my research when I started my PhD it’d be insecure. I don’t mean this in the self-esteem-related sense (though there was surely a dash of that too) but how everything felt so up in the air. Often it felt like I didn’t have a solid grasp on most of what was going on around me or the things I felt were expected of me. It was sort of like treading water and hoping for land all the while outwardly projecting “everything’s fine, nothing to see here!”. Despite having the requisite knowledge and skills, something hadn’t quite clicked for me and I often felt a bit disconnected and out of step.
However, at some point (or, perhaps more likely, the sum of many points) my mindset shifted. Don’t get me wrong, I still have moments where I’m pulling at my hair wondering what to do, but my attitude towards my project and the PhD process overall changed. Somewhere along the way, I landed on the idea that it’s really not about the thesis, it’s about me. Getting the project done isn’t something I see as an end in itself anymore but as a means to an end, and that end is discovering a new version of myself, one that I hadn’t anticipated to carve out amidst project proposals and funding applications. Since changing my perspective, the pressure that I felt before has lifted slightly and I have a sense of confidence and assuredness in my work and views; I’ve been able to locate my values and discover new interests, and, perhaps most importantly, been able to establish and enforce healthy work-life boundaries.
It was sort of like treading water and hoping for land all the while outwardly projecting “everything’s fine, nothing to see here!”
My project is still pretty much the most important thing in my life and my dedication to research hasn’t fallen to the wayside or stopped being a priority. Instead, I just care about it differently and it represents so much more.
What have you learned about yourself on your PhD journey? Tweet us @researchex, message us on Instagram @warwicklibrary, or email us at libraryblogs@warwick.ac.uk
If you’d like to read more about the PhD journey, check out Cherisse’s blog on getting out of your own head or Ellie’s post about how no two PhDs are the same.
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